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Draining the Pain of Hurt Feelings

Job, the great sufferer in the Bible said, "Even now my witness is in heaven. My advocate is there on high. My friends scorn me, but I pour out my tears to God."¹

Have you ever felt deeply hurt by someone? Maybe even a close friend or family member? More than likely, this will happen more than once during our lifetime. I was asked if I had any insight into dealing with the strong emotions that arise from being deeply hurt and wounded, so I wanted to share the following.

One way you can help "drain the pain" of hurt feelings is to write out your feelings. David did this in several of his Psalms. I think he was a man after God's own heart—not because of his behavior—but because of his being open and honest with himself and with God. When you write, write as if you are writing a letter to the one who hurt you. Express all your feelings in all their intensity to this person. Then read the letter to God telling him that this is exactly the way you feel (he knows it anyhow)—then tear up the letter and destroy it. Write again and again doing the same thing until all your hurt and angry feelings are dissipated. But never, never, never send one of these letters to anybody. At a later time, should you feel a need to write or contact the person in question, remember always to write and speak the truth in love—never in blaming anger.

God also gave us tears to help drain the pain of hurt feelings. So give yourself permission to weep with all your heart. The fact is, until we have learned to weep with all our heart, we are not free to love with all our heart. Tears, however, are for expressing grief … not anger. Anger needs to be expressed in writing, verbalized, or both.

Also, everyone needs at least one person they can trust implicitly with whom to share their feelings. It needs to be an understanding and caring person, who listens and accepts us with all our hurt and angry feelings, but won't give us advice, preach at us, or tell us what we should or shouldn't do or feel. And, if necessary, have several sessions with a qualified Christian counselor to help you work through and resolve your feelings.

And of course be sure to tell God exactly how you feel and to lead you to the help you need to resolve your hurt and angry feelings so you can get to a point of genuine forgiveness. Failing to forgive will only hurt you.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you that you always understand what I am feeling and will always accept me when I openly and honestly confess and share my feelings with you no matter what those feelings are. Help me always to be honest with myself and with you and please help me find a faithful friend with whom I can feel safe to be open and honest—a friend who will always love and accept me no matter how I feel. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."


1. Job 16:19-20 (NLT).