document.open();
  document.writeln("<style type=\"text/css\"><!--");
  document.writeln("@import url(http://www.actsweb.org/style.css);");
  document.writeln("@import url(http://www.actsweb.org/syndicated.css);");
  document.writeln("--></style>");

  document.writeln("<span class=\"body\"><b><span class=\"headings2\"><span class=\"actsititle\">My Parents My God</span></span></b><br>");
  document.writeln("<span class=\"actsilinks\"><a href=\"#\" onclick=\"window.print()\">Print this page</a></span>");document.writeln("<br><div id='actsartcl1'>");document.writeln("                  ");
document.writeln("<p class=\"myparagraph\">S<span class=\"body\">elwyn Hughes, in his series on \'€œLife\'€™s Hidden Agendas,\" writes  about a woman whom I shall call Janice who, in spite of the benevolent work she  was doing as a Christian missionary, had experienced five nervous breakdowns.</span></p>");
document.writeln("                  ");
document.writeln("<p class=\"body\"> It seems like an unrelated question,  but when asked how she saw God, she was able to give an accurate definition of  him, but when asked how she actually felt toward him, she went quiet, thought  for awhile, then answered, \'€œI feel God is only pleased with me when I am  working myself to death, carrying some sickness, or poised on the edge of  exhaustion.\'€</p>");
document.writeln("                  ");
document.writeln("<p class=\"body\">\'€œIn that one statement,\'€ said Hughes,  \'€œshe revealed the root of her problem.\'€ Intellectually, Janice was able to  explain who God was clearly, but emotionally she saw God as a cosmic slave  driver and served him as if she were a slave.</p>");
document.writeln("                  ");
document.writeln("<p class=\"body\"> Janice\'€™s distorted view of God  distorted her whole life. The real root of her problem, however, went much  deeper. It came from her poor relationship to her parents during her formative  years\'€&#8221;a relationship based not on love but on fear. It was out of the  experience she created her image of God which was a mirror image of her  parents.</p>");
document.writeln("                  ");
document.writeln("<p class=\"body\">From this image we deduce that  Janice\'€™s parents must have been very demanding and that the only way Janice  felt she could ever gain their approval was to \'€œwork herself to death!\'€ It  appears that one or both parents were also perfectionists, and as such, Janice  would have felt that no matter how hard she worked to gain their approval, she  was never quite able to measure up. <br>");
document.writeln("                    As an adult, Janice has repeated this  pattern and is now a self-demanding perfectionist herself in that no matter  what she does and how hard she works or tries, in her mind it is never quite good enough  for herself, or for God. No wonder she has had five nervous breakdowns.</p>");
document.writeln("                  ");
document.writeln("<p class=\"body\" align=\"center\"><img src=\"http://www.actsweb.org/Images/quote-left.gif\" width=\"20\" height=\"19\"><span class=\"headings2\">Emotionally she saw God as a <br>");
document.writeln("                  cosmic slave  driver and served <br>");
document.writeln("                  him as if she were a slave.</span><img src=\"http://www.actsweb.org/Images/quote-right.gif\" width=\"20\" height=\"19\"></p>");
document.writeln("                  ");
document.writeln("<p class=\"body\"> As counseling has repeatedly shown,  the image most of us have of God is a caricature based largely on our childhood  relationships to our parents, especially our father, but it can be to our  mother as well. This is true whether we are committed church members or not. As  Selwyn Hughes explains: \'€œWhen we became a Christian, God didn\'€™t drill a hold in  our head and deposit a clear concept of himself there.\'€ As a general rule, we  relate to God in harmony with the laws of relationships that we learned in  childhood. God doesn\'€™t go against these laws. Neither does nature.</p>");
document.writeln("                  ");
document.writeln("<p class=\"body\"> Regardless of what we think about God,  we tend to feel toward him on the basis of how we felt toward our father and/or  mother during our developmental years. If Father was loving, warm, tender, and  compassionate and gave us lots of attention and approval, we tend to feel God  is the same. But if Father and/or Mother were tyrants, abusive, legalistic,  punitive, distant, cold, demanding, or perfectionistic, chances are we\'€™ll feel  God is the same. As J.B. Phillips says in his book, <em>Your God is Too Small, </em>some people see God as a resident policeman,  others as an authoritarian parent, and some as an absentee landlord. Or, as  Selwyn Hughes put it, \'€œGod made us in his image. We do ourselves great harm  when we try to make him in ours or in that of our parents!\'€</p><p class=\"body\"> Author A. W. Tozer reminds us how the  image of God we hold \'€œin our hearts\'€ impacts our lives. He says, \'€œWe tend by a  secret law of the soul to move toward our image of God.\'€ The following are some  of the ways we are affected when we have a faulty image of God.</p>");
document.writeln("                  ");
document.writeln("<p class=\"body\"><em>First,  we may be unable to trust God.</em> Phillips explains how in the inner core of  our being we are made to trust a good character and distrust a bad one. \'€œIf you  see God as a despot or a tyrant,\'€ Phillips asks, \'€œhow can you give yourself to  him? You cannot surrender to a monstrosity.\'€</p>");
document.writeln("                  ");
document.writeln("<p class=\"body\"> Furthermore, if we don\'€™t trust God, it  can be difficult to trust our husband, wife, or other people. This is because  our distrust of God is often based on a distrust of one or both parents. Until  that distrust is resolved, it can be difficult to trust anybody else. This can  leave us feeling insecure, fearful, and anxious much of the time.</p>");
document.writeln("                  ");
document.writeln("<p class=\"body\"><em>Second,  with a faulty image of God,</em> <em>we cannot  truly serve or worship him. </em>We may serve him out of a sense of duty or  compulsion, but not out of love or desire. It will be joyless service and  meaningless worship.</p>");
document.writeln("                  ");
document.writeln("<p class=\"body\"><em>Third,  unless we view God correctly, we may doubt or even deny his existence.</em> I  knew of several brothers who grew up in a religious home where the father was  very controlling and hid his true feelings behind a false, super-religious  faΓ§ade. He may have had religion but he didn\'€™t have true Christianity. The  conflict this caused in his sons\'€™ minds caused such confusion that one  committed suicide. The other two threw out God-a God who was a caricature of  their father. They now doubt God\'€™s existence.</p>");
document.writeln("                  ");
document.writeln("<p class=\"body\" align=\"center\"><img src=\"http://www.actsweb.org/Images/quote-left.gif\" width=\"20\" height=\"19\"><span class=\"headings2\"><em>With a faulty image of God,</em> <em>we&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<br>");
document.writeln("                  cannot  truly serve or worship him.</em></span><img src=\"http://www.actsweb.org/Images/quote-right.gif\" width=\"20\" height=\"19\"> </p>");
document.writeln("                  ");
document.writeln("<p class=\"body\"><em>Fourth,  a faulty view of God can affect behavior</em>. I read about another  dysfunctional religious family where the father was unemotionally involved with  his children and the mother (the adult child of an alcoholic) though very  capable, was incapable of giving her children the emotional nurturing they  needed. The result? One daughter became involved in drugs and prostitution,  another was unable to relate in a healthy way to men and turned to  homosexuality. The other two became codependents. All four had unsuccessful  marriages. Three turned away from the God of their making and left the church.</p>");
document.writeln("                  ");
document.writeln("<p class=\"body\"><em>Fifth,  an erroneous view of God can stop us believing in him and block our  experiencing his love and acceptance.</em> Unfortunately, many a person has  never discovered God\'€™s love or made him an integral part of their lives because  they have failed to resolve their impaired relationships to their parents and  have a nebulous or faulty image of God. And many a parent has unconsciously  driven a wedge between their children and God because they have not had a  wholesome relationship with them.</p>");
document.writeln("                  ");
document.writeln("<p class=\"body\">                    As parents, it is critical that we  recognize and resolve our impaired relationships from the past so we can learn  a healthy view of God. This is so we can relate in healthy ways to our children  and not present them with a distorted view of God.<br>");
document.writeln("  It isn\'€™t easy to resolve our damaged  pasts, but it is possible. The starting point is to be ruthlessly honest about  our feelings (not thoughts) toward God and our parents, and if there is a  problem, admit it. If so, in spite of any negative feelings toward God, ask him  to help you anyhow. \'€œGod, be merciful to me, a sinner,\'€ when prayed sincerely,  is one of the greatest prayers we can ever pray, and can lead to a whole new  beginning and greatly enriched life.</p>");
document.writeln("<br></div>");  document.writeln("</div><hr /><span class=\"body\"><p class=\"actsicopyright\"> </p>");
  document.writeln("<p style=\"font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;font-size: 10pt;\">This and other articles by Richard (Dick) Innes <a href=\"http://www.actsweb.org/articles/\" target=\"_blank\">can be read online</a>.<br><br>Copyright &copy; 1990 - 2026<br /><a href=\"http://www.actsweb.org/\" target=\"_blank\">ACTS International</a></p>");
  document.writeln("</span>");
  document.close();