Whatever Bothers Me...
"But he, willing to justify himself…."1
Years ago when I was taking a course in counselor training, the lecturer made the comment, "Whatever bothers you is your problem."
His statement was a rude awakening for me. Actually, my biggest problem was that I was in denial about "my" biggest problemâ€"me! I thought my issue at the time was what somebody else had done to me. I, too, was all too willing to justify myself.
I was feeling very hurt but discovered that beneath my hurt was a whole lot of pent-up hurt and anger from past unresolved experiences. I was also in denial about why I was attracted to the person whom I was accusing of hurting me.
What another person does to me may or may not be a problem. How I react is always my responsibility, and to the degree that I overreact that is always my problem.
I need to realize that nobody can hurt my feelings or make me angry without my permission, which, of course, doesn't justify what hurtful things others do to me or what I do to them. If, for example, I am a super-sensitive person because of past hurts, I will usually overreact to people and blame them for hurting my feelings. While the real reason I am SO hurt is because I haven't resolved my hurt from the past.
To overcome relational conflicts both parties need to admit what they are contributing to the issue at hand and see when they are overreactingâ€"and know why! When we overreact, as long as we deny it and justify ourselves, and play the blame game, we will B-LAMEâ€"and never resolve the conflict at hand.
Suggested Prayer: "Dear God, please deliver me from the sin of denial and confront me with the reality of what I am contributing to every conflict in which I find myselfâ€"whether it is at work, home, or with a friend or loved one. Help me to take full responsibility for my feelings, actions, and overreactionsâ€"and stop justifying myself when I am overreacting. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
1. Luke 10:29.
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