Loss is hard. Period. It is a process of feelings and emotions that all need, and have the right, to be felt. Many times, we receive well-meant comments saying, “He is in a better place�, “Trust God�, “He is not suffering anymore�, “Have faith�, “Be strong�, and others of this nature. Does our mourning mean we don’t trust God or that our faith has weakened? The next couple of days we will see examples from the Bible regarding this topic. I will start by sharing a little of my story.

In April 2019, our baby boy, Elijah, died in utero due to Trisomy 18 which then caused a defect called Exencephaly. I had never heard of these terms in my life and came to learn that it is a very rare defect. So rare that it affects only one in 40,000 pregnancies. If you are unfamiliar with these terms like I was, Trisomy 18 is the presence of a third 18^th chromosome. It is one of the two fatal chromosomal defects. Exencephaly basically means that the brain is present, but the skull does not form. We were given this diagnosis when I was two months pregnant. Although abortion was suggested, I chose to carry my baby for as long as God allowed me to. God gives life, and only He is worthy to take it. I was 5 months pregnant when Elijah’s heart stopped beating, and I was induced to deliver him the same week.

The entire process since we were told of his condition was difficult and we were overwhelmed with emotions and questions. Even more difficult was having to explain to our two older children that their baby brother had gone to heaven. Family and friends would come to visit and would sometimes say, “Have faithâ€�. I remember this term making me so angry, not because of the words, but because our friends and family  didn’t realize that I was clinging onto God with every bit of strength I had left and that every ounce of faith and hope in my body was solely in our God. Did they mean to make me feel bad by saying this? Not by any means. They love us and were simply desperate to console us in our pain.   I had no control and knew that God could have performed a miracle and healed my baby if it was HIS will to do so. When I saw Elijah’s lifeless body through ultrasound at 5 months, I felt so many different emotions and couldn’t control my tears, but I still felt peace. My heart was broken, but down deep I was thanking God for this little boy who had impacted my life forever. The doctors had told me he would die soon after the diagnosis, but Elijah was a fighter. During ultrasounds he was kicking and moving all around. More than anything, I was thankful that God had chosen me to be his mom.

On one of the many nights that I cried myself to sleep, beginning to believe I shouldn’t be so distraught if I truly had faith, God met me exactly where I was. God reminded me of Job that night and I was able to see this well-known story through different eyes.

Tomorrow we will see a few highlights from the story of Job as he mourned.

Suggested Prayer: “Dear God, give me your heart and let me be your hands of comfort to those around me who are hurting. May my words be your words; filled with compassion and hope. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. In Jesus’ name. Amen.�

1.       Matthew 5:4 (NIV).